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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24677884">Dancing With Your Ghost</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunandsky/pseuds/sunandsky'>sunandsky</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Taynew</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, BL, Best Friends, Boyfriends, Delusion, Drama, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Marriage, SASHA SLOAN, Trauma, bxb - Freeform, dancing with your ghost, farewell, newtay - Freeform, taynew - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:46:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,278</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24677884</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunandsky/pseuds/sunandsky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tay and New have known each other for a long time. Fourteen years to be precise. They have been best friends since they were 13, and at the age of 24, they came out and confessed their feelings for each other. It is a week away from their wedding, but something is bothering Tay. Why aren't they busy preparing for their wedding? Why New told him to stay home with him for the rest of the week?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dancing With Your Ghost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It's my first attempt to write angst, I suggest you prepare your tissues.</p><p>p.s: this one-shot is inspired by Sasha Sloan - Dancing With Your Ghost. So I highly recommend you listen to this song as you read this fic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Day-6</p><p>It was a peaceful morning, the birds were chirping, the flowers were blooming, and the sky was clear with no clouds. The sunshine went into a room, breaking through the not-so-thick curtain, directly shot to a guy's closing eyelids. Tay winced as he felt the light piercing through his eyelids, he doesn't want to get up now. He whimpered as he moved his position, feeling a throb on his head. His mind was fuzzy, why can't he remember anything? Did he drink a lot last night?</p><p>Still wincing at the pain, he forcefully opened his eyes, he couldn't go back to sleep with this throbbing head. A pair of dark brown orbs were looking directly at him as he managed to open his eyes. A beautiful, warm dark brown orbs. The corners of his mouth moved up in an instant as soon as he saw those eyes. "Good morning, how long have you been looking at me?", he said as he rubbed his eyes, clearing his vision of the beautiful sight in front of him.</p><p>"Not long, probably half an hour," his voice was raspy and deep. Hot, Tay thought. He savored the view in front of his fiancee, silently sending gratitude to God for his presence. Tay could never get enough of those beautiful eyes, the barely-visible mole on his nose, cute-shaped ears, and those inviting plump lips. His face feature is perfect, his hands fit perfectly with his, and the crook of his neck is just perfect to be snuggled at.</p><p>Fourteen years had gone by and Tay still couldn't get enough of him. New Thitipoom, his best friend - wait, his boyfriend - oh, wait, his fiancee now. For now. In a week he'll be able to call him his husband. God, he can't wait for it. Tay stretched his right hand to pulled New to his embrace, New buried his face in Tay's chest, his arms hung lazily around Tay's waist.</p><p>Tay took a little look from the clock in front of him, it's 11 now, why didn't New wake him up earlier? He remembered that their schedule is thick for this week, it's just one week away from their wedding day. "Hin, it's eleven now," he said quietly, not wanting to ruin the peaceful mood inside of the room.</p><p>"I know," he replied, completely obnoxious of what Tay was going to say. Tay furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, New never forgets about anything, not even his ID number, but why he sounded like he doesn't remember about the wedding preparation?</p><p>He was going to protest but stopped when he heard a knock on his bedroom door. The person on the other side didn't even bother to wait for Tay's answer before opening the door. Oh, it's Nanon, Tay's little brother. "What's wrong with your face? You look like shit" Tay said as he saw Nanon. In his eyes were exhaustion, his hair tousled to every direction possible, and the corners of his mouth were turned down. He looked... unhappy and tired.</p><p>"Mom has cooked breakfast for you, don't forget to eat, it's already 11," he said and continue, "Remember, don't lock your room, p'". His movement was sloppy as if he didn't get enough sleep last night, as if he wanted to get out of his room as quickly as possible.</p><p>Tay furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "What's wrong with him, though? He seemed unhappy," he said after Nanon went out and closed the door. New pulled out from his chest and grinned, "Don't act surprised, you kicked him from this room since I came here, remember?", he said before he tightened the hug again.</p><p>Day-5.</p><p>"Are you sure I really said that to Nanon?", Tay said after he took a sip from the glass, his eyebrows were raised in disbelief. They were sitting in the living room, legs were crossed because they sit on the carpeted floor. Today was five days before their big day, and they were doing nothing at home, just having some food delivered and watching some TV shows. It's five days away before they will exchange vows in front of the altar, Tay was excited, but also puzzled at the same time. Once again, why aren't they preparing for the wedding day?</p><p>Tay took a look at New, he was munching the food, he looked like a hamster and it was so cute that Tay decided to pinch his left cheek. "Don't you ever disturb me when I'm eating, Tawan," he said in a threatening tone, but it just won't work with Tay because he got even cuter. New put his fork in front of Tay's nose, making him startled at the sudden movement, "Or I'll stab you with this."</p><p>Again, cute.</p><p>Day-4.</p><p>"Where are you going today?". Tay and New were lying lazily on the sofa when Nanon went out from the guest room with a small bag hanging on his right shoulder. New was too occupied with the TV show, so he didn't say anything. Tay looked at Nanon, while Nanon was also looking at him with eyes filled with... sadness? Why would he be sad?</p><p>Nanon shrugged and simply answer, "I'm going to the food vendor today- why do you put your arm like that p'?" This is probably the longest sentence Nanon said to him this week. Wait, what did he say? What is wrong with his arm? His arm was wrapped around New's waist, preventing him from falling from the not-so-spacious sofa.</p><p>"What? I'm keeping him from falling down from this sofa," Tay answered lightly while pointing New with his chin. Nanon's eyes widened, Tay couldn't read what was it but he was sure it wasn't a good sign. Nanon opened his mouth to say something but he stopped and sighed loudly.</p><p>He left without even saying any more words to Tay.</p><p>Day-3</p><p>Everyone in this house was acting weird, and Tay realized it just now. This morning he met his father and mother after several days. They acted like they don't know Tay, as if he wasn't supposed to be there, eating breakfast with them. They exchanged looks when Tay took another plate for New. What's wrong with them? He thought that they agreed with this marriage.</p><p>And Now Tay is sulking, while New trying to assure him that everything is fine, that he was just being overthinking. Tay rested his torso against the headboard of his bed and took a deep breath. This whole situation was just too odd for him, like how his family was acting weird, even New was acting weird too. It's like New doesn't care about their wedding day.</p><p>"Okay to lighten up your mood, do you want us to practice for the dance?"</p><p>The gears in Tay's brain started to whirl, what dance?</p><p>Oh.</p><p>"You really mean that when you said that we'll do the wedding dance? You know I can't dance," Tay's left mouth corner went up as he said this, he doesn't like the idea of dancing but he's still going to do it. He would do everything with New, for New. New didn't seem to care about his complaint, because he started to connect Tay's phone with the wireless speaker, and a moment later the intro of the song blasted around the room.</p><p>'Lost in stars, reaching for who we are'</p><p>Yes, it's A Rocket to the Moon by Gavin D. New chose this song because he said the music video was so beautiful and he wanted to do it. Tay looked at New, who was standing in front of the window with streaks of sunlight pouring over his face. He didn't realize it earlier but his face was pale, his usual rosy lips looked chapped and almost white, the lines on his face just shown that something is bothering him. What is it?</p><p>"Hin? What are you thinking about?", Tay got up from the bed and walked towards New, taking his hands inside his hands.</p><p>"Nothing, Te," he pulled Tay's hands and dragged him across the room to dance. "Nothing."</p><p>Day-2</p><p>
  <em>Let's get on a rocket ship and fly to the moon, there will be my heart waiting for you my baby</em>
</p><p>They were on it again, practicing for the dance. Tay's arms wrapped around New's slim waist, while New's fingers interlocked behind the back of Tay's neck. New was leading Tay during the dance, his move was subtle, there was no hesitation in every move. It was like New was born to dance, while Tay, his movement was awkward.</p><p>
  <em>And this time around, yeah, I will be waiting. Be waiting for only you, my dear</em>
</p><p>"Now I'll spin, don't let go of my hand, Te," New said before he spun around and ended it with a kiss on Tay's lips. New's lips felt so soft on his lips that Tay almost didn't feel anything, it's so soft like the air.</p><p>Day-1</p><p>Tay was nervous. It is one day before their wedding and Nanon never really updated the progress of preparation to him. He never answered him, which made him mad, while New kept trying to soothe him by telling him that Nanon just wanted it to be a surprise for them. Tay didn't actually buy that, he still thinks that something's off here. </p><p>New kept telling him that they agreed to let Nanon arranged their wedding party, while Tay couldn't even remember when he agreed on that, or whether the conversation really happened. His mind was fuzzy all day, it felt like he was in a dream and someone was trying to wake him up and pull him out from the dream. New also acted weird today, he was distant and kind of cold. Tay had caught him staring at the blank wall for a couple of times and he barely said anything to Tay.</p><p>"Hin," Tay shifted on the bed, trying to get closer to New as he reached for New's shoulder. Tay gasped as his palm touched his shoulder, the feeling of his shoulder was so faint, like grasping on the air. New turned around, smiling, but Tay saw no sincerity in that smile, he was faking the smile and it bothered Tay a lot. Tay didn't like it, he didn't like the tension between them, he didn't like the atmosphere in this room. He had to make it better, it's their best day tomorrow after all.</p><p>All of a sudden Tay stood up and pulled New's hand, "Let's practice the dance again," he said, trying to be as cheerful as possible. New grinned at his childish act as he followed Tay's lead. The intro was played as they moved into position, hands in hands, forehead against forehead, eyes deeply trapped in each others'. It was mesmerizing to the point that they forgot that they were going to dance, they were captivated by each other.</p><p>Tay stared deeply into New's eyes, trying to read and comprehend him, but all he got was only sadness and a hint of guilty. Tay inhaled deeply, there was this foreign feeling in his chest that started to suffocate him. He leaned in, ended the staring, and captured New's lips with his. Their lips moved slowly, pouring all the feelings in their heart, and for Tay, trying to erase the uneasy feeling in his guts. It was just innocent kisses, long and slow, but it makes them feel better.</p><p>They pulled out from the kiss as the song ended, both of them were smiling like idiots. "Did we just kiss? What is it? A drama?", New said with his soft voice, his eyes never leave Tay's. Tay smiled at him, adoration and love lingered on his eyes as he tried to read New's mind. </p><p>"Why are you staring at me? Are we really going to practice dancing, Te?". It's there, it was still there, his eyes could never deceive Tay. New started to move his hips, following the rhythm of the song, his fingers interlocked at the back of Tay's neck, it was so soft that Tay didn't feel anything on his skin, his touches felt unreal these days.</p><p>Tay followed New's lead, moving in a less awkward move since they had done this a lot these few days. Tay's eyes never left New's as they danced to the song, grasping every word and melody of it. New didn't even say anything when the song was almost finished and he spun around, ending the dance with a simple kiss on Tay's lips, supporting his whole body to Tay's. Tay didn't remember him to be this light yesterday, it was like he was holding onto a lump of cotton, weightless.</p><p>"Thank you, Te, for the last dance," New said as soon as he pulled out from Tay's embrace. Wait, why did he say that? It felt like he was bidding a farewell to him, his forced smile and cracked voice also didn't help to ease Tay's mind at all. At this point, Tay's mind went even fuzzier, his head was so light that he thought he was dreaming again.</p><p>"The last dance practice," he said while grasping on his hair, trying to make his head feel something. "Before our wedding, tomorrow, Hin," his head started to feel numb, his eyes sore.</p><p>"Yes, tomorrow, Te," was the last thing he heard as the unconsciousness took over him.</p><p>D-Day</p><p>
  <em>Tay opened his eyes slowly, deeply inhaling the scent that has been too familiar to him. He looked up and saw that New was playing with his hair, his expression grim, it looked like he didn't realize that Tay has woken up. Tay snuggled closer to his chest, giving a signal that he had woken up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You awake, Te?" New said as his fingers brushed the back of Tay's ear, he knew that it's a ticklish area for Tay. Tay pulled himself out and changed his position into sitting, he was pouting. New grinned as he got up into sitting position too, joining Tay and his crossed legs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Te, I'm sorry," Tay's eyes widened at the sudden burst. He turned his head to New and saw him twisting the edge of his shirt, his habit if he had done something wrong. "What happened, Hin? What did you do?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I should've told you that morning, Te. But I was afraid that you would collapse again. I don't wanna see you get hurt, Te." Tay's felt a tinge of pain at the back of his head as he listened to New, and it got stronger by each word.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You have to accept it, Te. You have to accept that we couldn't be together. Our wedding would never happen." He didn't understand a single word poured out from his mouth, was he going to break up with him on their wedding day? Was that it?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I should have told you earlier, Te. But I was too selfish. I knew you would never see me again if you remember what happened. I'm sorry, Te," He was crying his hearts out, his grip on the comforter was firm as he said this. Tay wanted to comfort him, telling him that he would forgive him for whatever his wrongdoings, but he couldn't say anything because he was trying to bear with the pain on his head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I- I believe I must go now, Te. I couldn't let you live like this longer, I must let you go, I must let you go on with your life. And you too, Te, should let me go, you too must move on." Tay opened his left eye, he was still wincing from the pain, but what he saw was unbelievable. He saw New - his New - his eyes were saying 'it's going to be okay' and he was transparent, and the sight of him kept fading like it was being sucked into the thin air, and finally he was gone along with Tay's consciousness.</em>
</p><p>Tay jumped from his position, making a boy who was sitting beside him, Nanon, startled. His shirt was drenched with sweat, his blood rushing quickly, leaving him panting.</p><p>"Where is Hin?" He almost screamed at Nanon's face, but he can't since he felt like his energy was drained. Nanon's face went grim, he looked at Tay as if he was pitying him. He was not going to answer him, not when he was panicked like this.</p><p>"P'? What's wrong?", Nanon went panicked when he saw Tay stared at the window, he was lost in his thought with tears down on his cheeks. He was crying without sound, he didn't even say any words. He remembered.</p><p>Nanon sat in silence, trying to give his brother time to recall that night, the night his loved one gone forever. He gave his brother to accept the fact, the fact that he would never meet the love of his life anymore.</p><p>"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Tay finally asked, his voice lingered with sorrow, his breath uneven, still trying to hold back the sobs he wished he let out earlier. The memory of that night flooded back at him, leaving him with a hard time to breath. It was like his lungs won't get enough oxygen no matter how much air he inhaled, there was no pain, just nothing.</p><p>Nanon released a long sigh, he didn't know whether he was supposed to tell Tay what happened. What if he collapsed just like the last time? He was so happy the past week, even though it was just with his delusion.</p><p>And there, Nanon told Tay everything that had happened in these 2 weeks. How Tay went unconscious as New's coffin was brought to the ground. How he woke up at the hospital with the memory of that night was erased and the doctor diagnosed him with Localized Dissociative Amnesia, which was a memory loss caused by trauma. New's death was a sudden trauma and his brain couldn't take it. When his family told him that New has gone forever, he collapsed and woke up with his memory still lost. The next day, Tay was allowed to go home, and the next morning was the day he created his own delusion of New, of their wedding preparation.</p><p>So this was why New said that he would disappear if he remembers, he said this before he was sucked into the thin air. The New in his delusion wasn't just a mere delusion, Tay was certain of it. It was New who has lived on the other dimension, in a place where he can't reach for him or feel his warmth. It was the same New who has been his best friend for 14 years, who has been his boyfriend for 3 years, who has been his fiancee for 9 months, who almost became his husband.</p><p>Tay let out a sigh, he couldn't feel anything for he is now carrying a hole on his chest, where his heart was supposed to be. He remembered the last words New said before he disappeared, he said that Tay must let go of him, and move on. Droplets of tears rolled down from the corner of his eyes as he recalled the last memory of his Hin. 'Okay, Hin. I will do as you said. I will let you go, I will accept that you can't be here with me anymore. But trust me, Hin, you will be always in my heart, and you are irreplaceable.'</p><p>"I love you, Hin. I'll always love you." Tay's voice was so soft as he said this.</p><p>Nanon who was on his way out from the room stopped for a while, "What did you say?"</p><p>"Nothing, Nanon, nothing."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading this! Let me know what you think through the comment section.</p><p>And I post more fics/AU in my twitter, hit me up at @sunandsky_ :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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